Don't Ever Give Up on Yourself: Maureen's Story How Did It Start? As a child, I was a worrier--nervous, timid and shy. At social events or in new situations, I felt afraid and my heart would race. Yet, I didn't have my first panic attack until I was 22 years old. I had just completed my junior year of college in England. It was the night before I was to return to the States. I awoke from a sound sleep with the most terrifying fee!ing of fear, and with an equally strong urge to run outside. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to explode. I was covered in sweat. It wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I experienced my next panic attack. I was under tremendous stress from events in my life. My father had been sick for many years, and he was losing a long, hard battle. My father and I were very close. He was the most significant person in my life. I don't have a vocabulary to articulate (清晰明白地说) the intense pain I felt when he passed~ At the same time, I was downsized from my job, my relationship ended, my roommate and I parted ways, and I moved to a new city. What Was the Suffering Like? At this time, the panic attacks began to happen on a daily basis. Throughout the day, I would have waves of panic washing over me. I felt afraid of everything. I experienced object distortion, drug-like states of disorientation (迷惑), scary (引起惊慌的) thoughts and shortness of breath. I had no idea what was happening to me -- or why -- so I just kept living my life. I told no one. The only problem was my life was getting smaller and smaller with each passing day. Eventually, it got so bad and my life was so small, I had to seek out professional help. Diagnosis The first therapist I went to misdiagnosed me she said I was suffering from 'situational stress'. She had no knowledge of panic disorder. The therapy gave me some relief by addressing and reducing the symptoms of my panic, but it didn't address the panic itself'. Thus, although my panic stopped for a while, eventually it came back. I had a similar experience with my second therapist. Again, the therapist had no experience or training in panic disorder, thus the therapy only offered temporary relief. About 5 years after I started to seek help, I finally diagnosed myself, through my own selfeducation. I then searched for and found a therapist who specialized in anxiety and panic. In my first session with my new therapist, I told her all my symptoms and what I had been going through all these years. To my amazement, she raised her right hand in a dismissive motion and nonchalantly (冷淡地) said, 'It's just panic. It's completely curable. Consider yourself lucky.' I will never forget the sense of relief her words gave me. It was a turning point in my life -- the point when I started to reclaim my life. My new therapist was trained in the 'MAP program', developed by Dr. David Barlow. 'MAP' is short for 'Mastery of your Anxiety and Panic'. We immediately embarked upon this course of treatment, which is a cognitive-behavioral program specifically designed for overcoming panic disorder. However, before we could finish the process, my therapist moved out of state, and we had to end our work together. She referred me to the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University. The Center is run by Dr. Barlow and is the premier facility for treating panic disorder. Healing The first thing I had to do at the Center was to undergo an in-depth, four-hour evaluation. The intake nurse asked me every conceivable question concerning my scary thoughts, depression, social situations, behavior, etc. After the intake, my case was discussed at the weekly staff meeting. Then, I was assigned a therapist who would work with me on a weekly basis throughout the three-month program.