Most of us are taught to pay attention to what is said — the words . Words do provide us with some information , but meanings are derived from so many other sources that it would hinder our effectiveness as a partner to a relationship to rely too heavily on words alone . Words are used to describe only a small part of the many ideas we associate with any given message . Sometimes we can gain insight into some of those associations if we listen for more than words . We don't always say what we mean or mean what we say . Sometimes our words don't mean anything except " I'm letting off some steam . I don't really want you to pay close attention to what I'm saying . Just pay attention to what I'm feeling ." Mostly we mean several things at once . A person wanting to purchase a house says to the current owner , " This step has to be fixed before I'll buy ." The owner says , " It's been like that for years ." Actually , the step hasn't been like that for years , but the unspoken message is : " I don't want to fix it . We put up with it . Why can't you ?" The search for a more expansive view of meaning can be developed of examining a message in terms of who said it , when it occurred , the related conditions or situation , and how it was said . When a message occurs can also reveal associated meaning . Let us assume two couples do exactly the same amount of kissing and arguing . But one couple always kisses after an argument and the other couple always argues after a kiss . The ordering of the behaviors may mean a great deal more than the frequency of the behavior . A friend's unusually docile behavior may only be understood by noting that it was preceded by situations that required an abnormal amount of assertiveness . Some responses may be directly linked to a developing pattern of responses and defy logic . For example , a person who says " No !" to a serials of charges like " You're dumb ," " You're lazy ," and " You're dishonest ," may also say " No !" and try to justify his or her response if the next statement is " And you're good looking ." We would do well to listen for how messages are presented . The words , " If sure has been nice to have you over ," can be said with emphasis and excitement or ritualistically . The phrase can be said once or repeated several times . And the meanings we associate with the phrase will change accordingly . Sometimes if we say something infrequently it assumes more importance ; sometimes the more we say something the less importance it assumes . 1. Effective communication is rendered possible between two conversing partners , if ___. A . they use proper words to carry their ideas . B . they both speak truly of their own feelings . C . they try to understand each other's ideas beyond words . D . they are capable of associating meaning with their words . 2." I'm letting off some steam " in paragraph 1 means ___. A . I'm just calling your attention . B . I'm just kidding . C . I'm just saying the opposite . D . I'm just giving off some sound . 3. The house - owner's example shows that he actually means ___. A . the step has been like that for years . B . he doesn't think it necessary to fix the step . C . the condition of the step is only a minor fault . D . the cost involved in the fixing should be shared . 4. Some responses and behaviors may appear very illogical , but are justifiable if ___. A . linked to an abnormal amount of assertiveness . B . seen as one's habitual pattern of behavior . C . taken as part of an ordering sequence . D . expressed to a series of charges . 5. The word " ritualistically " in the last paragraph equals something done ___. A . without true intention . B . light - heartedly . C . in a way of ceremony . D . with less emphasis .