For years we have been told that encouraging a child ’ s self-respect is important to his or her success in life. But child experts are now learning that too much praise can lead to the opposite effect. Praise-aholic kids who expect it at every turn may become teens who seek to same kind of approval from friends when asked if they want to go in the backseat of the car. The implication of saying “ You are the prettiest girl in class, ” or talking about the goals she scored but not her overall effort, is that you love her only when she looks the best, scores the highest, achieves the most. And this carries over to the classroom. Social psychologist Carrol Dweck, PhD, tested the effects of overpraise on 400 fifth graders while she was at Columbia University. She found that kids praised for “ trying hard ” did better on tests and were more likely to take on difficult assignments than those praised for being “ smart ” . “ Praising attributes or abilities makes a false promise that success will come to you because you have that quality, and it devalues effort, so children are afraid to take on challenges, ” says Dweck, now at Stanford University, “ They figure they ’ d better quit while they ’ re ahead.