When difficult people express themselves orally, they generally want at least two things: they’ve been heard and they’ve been understood. As a good communicator should be a good listener, five steps are put forward toward good listening. The first step is cooperating. How does a difficult person know that you’re listening and understanding? You may help him to fully express his thoughts and feelings. You do this by nodding your head in agreement, making certain sounds of understanding. When the person begins to repeat what’s been said, it’s a signal of step two: turning back. It means that you repeat back some words he is using, sending a clear signal that you’re listening carefully and that you think what he is saying is important. Having heard what he has to say, the next step is clarifying. At this point, you start to gather information about what is being communicated. Ask some open ended questions, which will allow you to figure out what purpose he is hoping to satisfy. The fourth step is to summarize ( 概括 ) what you’ve heard. This allows you to make sure that both you and the difficult person are on the same page. When you do this, two things happen. First, if you’ve missed something, he can fill in the details. Second, you’ve shown that you’re trying to understand completely. This increases the possibility of getting cooperation from him. Having listened carefully, you’ve now arrived at the point of confirming with the person that he feels satisfied that his thoughts have been fully voiced. Ask if he feels understood. When enough sincere listening, questioning, and remembering are brought together, understanding is usually achieved and a difficult person becomes less difficult and more cooperative. Topic Listen to understand Reason Difficult people hope they have been heard and ##59## when they express themselves. Suggestions on listening ◆ Nod in agreement and make some sounds of understanding while a difficult person is speaking. ◆ Repeat some words that you have heard. ◆ Collect information about the person’s expressions and find his## 60## . ◆ Give a summary of what the person has said. ◆ Confirm that the person gains ##61## by speaking his thoughts. Result A difficult person will be ##62## to cooperate with if understanding is achieved. Comment You may unlock the doors to difficult people’s hearts after you listen and understand.