How to be charming 如何变得魅力四射 为什么有的人招人喜欢,人见人爱?为什么有的人不管走到哪里都可以广交朋友?本集教你如何与人建立融洽的关系及社交礼仪中友谊的“黄金法则”。 Life isn ’t fair. Some people just seem blessed 命好的,幸运的 with the ability to effortlessly 不费吹灰之力地 charm anyone they meet. You know the kind of person, the one who can strike up a conversation (与人) 攀谈 with a complete stranger 彻头彻尾的陌生人 and end up with a new friend or business lead 线索,头绪 . How do they do it? Well, it might seem like a magical power, but in fact there are a number of factors at work. So, can you learn to develop superhuman 超乎常人的 charm? The answer is: to a large extent 在很大程度上 , yes you can. But first, the bad news. Scientists have found that people initially judge each other based purely on physical appearance. With just a fleeting glimpse of a face, people make snap judgments 快速、草率的判断 about each other ’s likeability 喜欢程度 , trustworthiness 可信度 and confidence, according to Alexander Todorov, professor of psychology at Princeton University. How to counteract 对抗 this? There ’s one incredibly simple tool: your smile. Todorov told the BBC that people perceive a smiling face as “more trustworthy, warmer and sociable 合群的,好交际的 ”. It sounds like common sense, doesn’t it? Smile and others will smile with you. What other tricks might we have up our sleeves “留一手”,暗藏某物以备不时之需 ? Former FBI agent Jack Schafer has been trained in how to influence people. He told BBC Capital: “Our brains are always surveying the environment for friend or foe 敌人 signals. ” Three things we can do to signal that we are not a threat are to: raise our eyebrows quickly, tilt (使)倾斜 our heads slightly, and, once again, to smile. So we ’ve looked at body language, but of course what you say is hugely important too, unless you want to just stand there grinning 咧嘴笑 foolishly. Here Schafer recommends that “the golden rule 黄金法则,重要的原则 of friendship is if you make people feel good about themselves, they ’re going to like you.” In other words, you need to show interest in them, instead of talking about yourself and all your wonderful achievements. And while you’re chatting, remember this: another way of showing interest is to mirror 效仿 their physical position. Another way to form a connection? Find common ground 共同点 . Suzanne de Janasz, a professor of management with Seattle University, says that charming people are particularly adept at seeking out shared interests or experiences to help them build rapport 融洽的关系 . Simple things like asking where someone ’s from really can open up a discussion and allow you to find areas in common. And if all else fails, you can fall back on 借助于 that most British of topics: the weather. Glorious day, isn ’t it?