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Here at the New York magazine offices, not far from where I sit, is a very long walkway. When you see someone at the other end of it whom you barely know, you may feel quite awkward, at least if you’re an awkward person (which I am). For the next 15-20 seconds, you know you’ll be walking toward this person. Do you nod? Smile? Ignore? Some combination of the above? It’s strangely, deeply unpleasant. This isn’t a problem unique to our office. I’m sure at some point you have been walking down the street, noticed an acquaintance—that is, someone you’re not going to stop and chat with—and then dealt with the awkwardness of walking toward the person but having no idea exactly how to handle the approach. Eye contact is the worst part of these situations. Basic etiquette( 礼节 )says we should make eye contact with others when we notice them, but basic etiquette, not to mention common sense, also says that maintaining eye contact with someone you’re not engaged in a conversation with is unpleasant. Can anything be done about this? I emailed a couple of eye-contact experts to find out. It’s useful to realize that this isn’t as big a problem everywhere as it is here in New York. Ronald Riggio, a professor at Claremont McKenna College, pointed out that cultural factors may worsen the horrordor(horror corridor 走廊眼神交流恐惧 ). “New York culture is different from my Californian culture, and in New York the cultural norm is to not make eye contact on the street, ” says Ronald Riggio. “ But in California people usually make firm eye contact and smile warmly.” Cultural or not, this is a problem for many of us. Jeremy Nicholson, a psychologist from Yale University, says preparation is part of the battle against eye-contact awkwardness. “Before entering a long hallway, or walking on the street, take a moment to center yourself ,” says Jeremy Nicholson. “Take a breath and be mindful of the world around you ( not just the thoughts in your head or the things in your pocket).” He also suggests trying to scowl( 怒视 ) less in general before any hallway or street encounters( This is a piece of advice that might be a challenge for New Yorkers). “Develop the habit of softening your eyes and keeping a smile on your face in public,” says Jeremy Nicholson. “Most of us stare intently at screens most of the day and scowl, which becomes our typical expression. But human interaction is easier with a more positive expression.” So what should you do when you’re actually walking toward someone? “ It seems dishonest to avoid any eye contact if you know someone,” says Ronald Riggio. He offers what is a pretty straightforward system: “Make eye contact at 30 ft., and then break eye contact. Next, make brief eye contact again at 10 ft., and then look straight ahead.” This approach makes a certain sort of sense: You acknowledge the person when you first notice him. Then you break off eye contact, so the situation doesn’t become awkward. And then you make eye contact again when you’re passing the person, because to pass the person without another acknowledgement would also feel strange. Jeremy Nicholson suggests that getting better at these sorts of encounters could bring other benefits as well—not just the avoidance of awkwardness. “In fact, some of those interactions may end up being pleasant coincidences, promotion opportunities, or reunions with old friends,” says Jeremy Nicholson. “So, breaking the habits of hiding in our phones and tuning the world out with music may be the best thing we can do for both our social lives and professional careers.”
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