Making the choice to be truly beautiful 1 Extreme makeovers are all the rage these days, with too many people addicted to Botox injection parties and reality shows. Plastic surgery is on the rise. Many people are trying to match the extraordinary measures actors and actresses go through to look perfect on the screen. Yet, the shortcuts to create biomedical happiness by having surgery, taking supplements or dieting don't usually fulfill their promise. Besides, beautiful people are not automatically happy people. 2 Attaining the highest degree of your beauty is not about looking good during social interaction, or physiological perfection, and you can't get there via technology. It's a growth process, a transformation of self through awareness and learning. It's about meaning, and being real. It's an emotional and spiritual walk, and it requires faith fueled with liberal doses of loving kindness. 3 Every day, I have the delight and privilege of loving Richard, my husband, a real, human, emotionally accessible man. We're about the same age, and our looks have corroded a bit over time. After almost 20 years, though, we have grown together in ways that go far deeper than the surface of our skin. Our life is lovely even if it doesn't match the criterion of love in movie fantasies. We laugh together, we share the struggles of daily life together, and the thought that he might die before I do fills me with dread. All the muscle-bound male models in the world couldn't replace my very own, sensual, outgoing friend. It took me 37 years to find him, and I'm not about to replace him with the so-called "esthetic perfection". 4 I work as a psychotherapist, and clients come to my office every day scarred with emotional pain because their lives aren't "perfect" enough. They feel inadequate, hopeless, and frustrated with jealousy because they can't attain life as they see it on the big screen. It helps when I preface our sessions with the mention that tens of thousands of dollars go into every second of media they see, that stars have dozens of people devoted exclusively to making them look good (even when they're naked), that the effort of maintaining their images is an exhausting, full-time job. The "beautiful" people in the media are under enormous pressure to maintain their looks, and for some reason, my clients don't realize that they're exempt from that predominant pressure. 5 I underscore that all the face creams, physical workouts, dietary fads, Prozac capsules and meditation regiments in the world aren't going to make their lives, their bodies, or their mental state much better. In fact, they often hamper happiness by distracting from the things that lead to real inner beauty. Life is not about maintaining some young and stylish outward costume to hide behind. It's about growing and deepening your soul. 6 The only way I know to develop my soul is through feelings. Witnessing natural phenomena – the star-lit galaxy, a centuries-old redwood, the symphony of birds' songs in spring – stretches it, making me feel humble and majestic, all at the same time. Human relationships bruise, collide and comfort, teaching me maturity and passion. Love urges my soul to blossom and glow, affection elicits feelings of eternity, and so I learn to accept others as they are. 7 The humans in my life are not the barren, self-absorbed "beautiful people" of the screen. We're ordinary, real, imperfect people. Together, we work hard stumbling through life, trying to be our best selves, knitting together families and friendships, and striving to illuminate the world with our personal ethics and aspirations. 8 We come from numerous backgrounds and we don't always approve of each other's decisions, but we care for each other the best we can. We struggle to be less self-indulgent, more compassionate and understanding. We try to resist the lure of novelty fads, the manipulations of advertising. We survive through social phenomena that we don't agree with, through interwoven natural and unnatural disasters that take our loved ones and possessions, through fads and fancies that are often unhealthy. From each event, we learn, we stretch, we sometimes fracture, we process the emotional outcome, and we move on. These life events are the soul's workout, and though we may groan and complain, we can feel the growth eventually. 9 The secret is that this growth is visible to others, and the effort registers on one's entire being. It becomes an authentic element that makes the spirit glow radiantly like that of a saint. Have you ever seen an elderly person like that, one whose wisdom shows in his eyes, and whose love is evident as he gently enquires about your health, or offers a brief sentiment that calms and affirms? The spirit that shines from within this person is true beauty, and it can't be bought in a jar. 10 The miracle is that each of us has the total capacity to achieve this perspective, this fullest embodiment of the highest expression of soul, even as our mortal bodies wear out and degenerate. 11 In other words, true beauty is not about looks. It's about choices. As we move through life and grow through each of its checkpoints, we should seek out and build the kinds of experiences that reveal and purify our divine inner beauty. We must look at our own lives and decisions from a more valuable perspective than the media's shallow eye. 12 The decisions we make today affect the rest of our lives. We ourselves are ultimately the only people to whom we are accountable and for whom we are responsible. Each new decision we make can be a new resolution to build the beautiful future we long to have.